


Adoration

by Mnemosyne_Elegy



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Gen, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 13:05:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16811218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mnemosyne_Elegy/pseuds/Mnemosyne_Elegy
Summary: Everyone has a different opinion of the budding non-relationship, but no matter what anyone else says, Juvia is love-struck and ready to finally win over her beloved. Gray is having none of it. This is NOT Gruvia.





	Adoration

**Author's Note:**

> (For my reference: the middle three parts are adaptations of scenes from chapters 265, 282, and 338.)

From where Gajeel was sitting, it sure as hell looked like a disaster waiting to happen. Granted, he didn't exactly have the best seat in the house, this being an otherwise unoccupied table that he'd jammed into a shadowy corner of Fairy Tail's guild hall so that he could avoid everyone but keep an eye on them. After all, these people had been enemies mere weeks before, and Gajeel wasn't one to trust easily.

His table would be ideal for spying, if only everyone in this guild wasn't so _crazy_. With someone always yelling or fighting or running about, there was _always_ chaos.

Still, despite his admittedly imperfect vantage point, Gajeel would have to be blind not to notice the coming train wreck.

This came in the form of Juvia, who was hovering over that dark-haired bastard at a nearby table.

"Would Gray-sama like to come with Juvia to–?"

"No."

Everything from Gray's brusque dismissal to his thin-lipped disapproval screamed of rudeness. He wouldn't even _look_ at Juvia.

And this was nothing new, either. Gajeel had been watching this drama unfold ever since Juvia had begged him to join this guild. She was the only one here that he owed any measure of loyalty to, so she was naturally more interesting to him than any of the others.

So Gajeel had been watching, and every encounter he'd seen between these two had gone pretty much like this.

Juvia bit her lip, but then her face lit up again. "Then may Juvia–?"

"No." Gray's pale fingers began drumming a rhythmic beat on the tabletop.

Gajeel didn't know what Juvia saw in this guy. He supposed that the raven-dark hair and well-muscled body could be attractive in a broody kind of way, but other than that?

Gray was too moody and rude, and had a disturbing habit of shedding clothing while he wasn't paying attention, none of which Gajeel thought should inspire the undying devotion Juvia had acquired. Although Juvia did seem to like the stripping. Women. There was no accounting for taste.

"Then perhaps Juvia could–?"

"Actually," Gray interrupted, standing abruptly, "I'm going to take a job."

But the biggest strike against Gray was that he was as cold as magic, ice through and through.

"O-oh…" Juvia darted a glance over at Gray's team: Natsu being as obnoxiously loud as possible, Lucy protesting as that stupid blue cat teased her, and Erza staring them all down with narrowed eyes as she prepared to shut them up. "Is Gray-sama going with his team?"

"Nah. This is a spur-of-the-moment thing."

Wow. Gajeel wondered again what Juvia saw in Gray, because a pretty face and nice body shouldn't be able to make up for the prickly temperament.

Or make for such a drastic personality change. Gajeel had barely recognized Juvia when she'd come to him shortly after Phantom Lord's disbandment. She was so sweet and cheerful and bubbly, which was a far cry from the unemotional and asocial girl she'd been before. The constant downpour her magic rained on her in response to her gloomy moods had vanished, and she had given him the first smile he'd seen from her in a long time.

It was like she had turned into a completely different person.

"Would Gray-sama like company?" Juvia asked, smiling brightly. "Juvia could–"

Gray's eye twitched. "No."

He headed for the request board, strides quick and clipped. Juvia drifted along behind him at a slower pace, her mood suddenly as blue as her hair. It made Gajeel want to punch Gray in the face and yell at Juvia to get a grip.

"Juvia wishes Gray-sama good luck, then."

"Thanks," Gray muttered. He gave the board a cursory once-over and ripped a page off. Walking past Juvia without another look, he headed for his friends' table and rapped on the wooden surface as he passed by. "I'm heading out. Be back later."

"Job?" Erza asked.

"Yup."

"Don't take too long. I want to go out with the team tomorrow."

"Sure thing. I'll be there." Gray paused in the doorway to give the redhead a smile. Gajeel had never seen him give Juvia a smile half that genuine. "See you later."

"Whoa, get back here, ice princess!" Natsu called, jumping to his feet. "I wanna fight!"

Gray just grinned. "Don't worry, flame brain. I can kick your ass just as easily when I come back."

" _Excuse me?_ " Indignant rage painted Natsu's face, and fire sprang to his fingertips. "Come here and say that to my face!"

"He _did_ just say it to your face," Happy muttered, flicking his tail disdainfully.

"Shut up, you mangy cat! You're supposed to be on _my_ side!"

"Hey! I'm not _mangy_!"

"You _are_! And you have _fleas_!"

"Fleas? _Fleas?_ Lucy, Natsu's being mean! Beat him up!"

"Whoa, whoa, leave me out of this."

"You're no help at all. _Erza_ would help. Hey, Erza–"

_"If you two don't shut up right now, I'll make sure neither of you can walk for a week."_

Gajeel shook his head as the bickering fools quailed under Erza's wrathful gaze. Everyone in this guild was totally bonkers.

Turning his attention back to the door, he realized that Gray had taken advantage of the squabbling to make his escape. Only a discarded navy shirt marked his passing, pooled on the floor just inside the door. Honestly, how could someone _unconsciously_ shed clothing like that? The guy _had_ to be doing it on purpose.

Shaking his head in disgust, Gajeel let his gaze wander back to Juvia. She was still standing forlornly by the job board, but then walked over to pick up Gray's lost shirt and clutch it to her chest.

Gajeel reluctantly abandoned his hideaway. He wasn't one for mushy, emotional crap, but he felt like he had a responsibility to Juvia since they were both the outsiders from Phantom Lord.

"Sorry about that," he muttered as he stopped beside her.

Juvia started in surprise, but then smiled at him brightly. "Good morning, Gajeel-kun! Don't worry. Gray-sama was just not in the mood to talk."

"'Gray-sama' is never in the mood to talk…at least not to you." Gajeel winced as Juvia's face fell. His mouth always did seem to run ahead of his brain. "Don't be upset over him. He's an asshole."

"Gajeel-kun!" Juvia gasped, scandalized. "Gray-sama is most assuredly _not_."

Gajeel shook his head in disbelief. "He is. He treats you like shit."

"Juvia is still working on winning Gray-sama over. That's all."

"I honestly don't get what you see in him."

A beatific smile graced Juvia's face. "Gray-sama has very beautiful eyes and hair and skin, and his body is–"

" _O_ -kay," Gajeel interrupted hastily.

Juvia laughed, but then her smile softened and her eyes took on a wistful, faraway quality. "Gray-sama made Juvia's rain stop. Even though he faced Juvia as an enemy, he was kind to her. Gray-sama saved Juvia and gave her a chance to change."

Gajeel gave the water mage a sidelong look. Yes, she sure had changed, and it had to be progress.

But still…

"He's so cold to you."

"Gray-sama just takes a while to warm up to people."

"He wouldn't even let you finish a sentence."

"Gray-sama is a man of few words. He is just blunt."

"He _strips unconsciously_. That's weird as hell."

A secretive gleam entered Juvia's eyes, and she glanced around before leaning in and dropping her voice. "Juvia has heard that when Gray-sama was a child, his master had unconventional training techniques and stripping was a way to become 'one with the cold'." She lowered her voice even further. "Juvia has heard that Gray-sama does not break the habit because his master died protecting him and it is all he has left of her."

Gajeel stared at her. "He told you that?"

"Of course not," Juvia said dismissively. "Gray-sama does not talk about his past. But Juvia has been digging up information. She believes that Gray-sama carries much grief and guilt with him, and is afraid of forming close emotional relationships. But Juvia will help! She will make him love her and help him heal."

Gajeel frowned at the bright, determined gleam in Juvia's eyes. Women and their projects, always looking for a man to _save_. Something about the troubled ones seemed to draw them in like flies to honey.

"He doesn't need to be saved," Gajeel said bluntly, never one to mince words. "He needs his ass kicked."

"Gajeel-kun!"

He shrugged unrepentantly. "Why are you so invested? You've only known him for a few weeks, and he's a total jerk. He's not worth it."

"Gajeel-kun does not understand." Juvia smiled down sadly at the shirt in her hands. "Juvia loves Gray-sama."

"But–"

Juvia looked up, suddenly blithe and cheerful again. "Juvia is going to follow Gray-sama!"

"I thought he made it pretty clear that he didn't want company. He didn't even take his team."

"That's right, he didn't ask love rival to come." Juvia shot a satisfied smirk over at the unsuspecting blonde. Gajeel had honestly seen no indication that either Lucy or Gray had any romantic interest in the other, but maybe Juvia had noticed something he hadn't. "Besides, Juvia will not get in Gray-sama's way."

"You're going to give him his shirt?" Gajeel asked, eyeing the clothing dubiously. He doubted that thin excuse would hold water.

"Of course not! Juvia collects Gray-sama's shirts. She has a place for them in her room. She has also been creating Gray-sama merchandise. She has plushies of him! Even a body pillow and towels and–"

"Oh boy, you've got it bad." And Gajeel had thought the _stripping_ was weird. "So your plan is just to follow him around like a lovesick puppy some more?"

He was getting tired of seeing Juvia follow Gray around like a shadow while he pretended not to see her.

"Gray-sama does not always want to do things with Juvia, but she will go with him anyway! She will watch and learn, and eventually Gray-sama will fall in love with her. See you later, Gajeel-kun!"

"Wait, are you sure that's a good ide…a…?" Gajeel trailed off as Juvia darted forward and slipped out the door.

He stared in silence as the door swung shut, wondering why it felt like he was witnessing the beginning of a long, painful heartbreak.

* * *

_._

_Months later…give or take seven years_

_._

* * *

Lyon wove through the crowds, marveling at the energy buzzing in the streets. Crocus was already a large and bustling metropolis to start with, and with the Grand Magic Games starting within hours, spectators had flooded the streets to join in the celebrations and cheer on their favorite guilds. Lyon thrived on the attention, preening obnoxiously whenever he saw anyone wearing the Lamia Scale mark in support or overheard someone wishing they'd win.

Still, it became a little excessive after a few hours, and he decided to look for _quieter_ areas of the city to explore. He was fairly certain that the turnout was bigger than usual this year, and he suspected that it had to do with the sudden return of half of Fairy Tail's members after their seven-year disappearance. Fairy Tail was ridiculed as the weakest guild, but now that its strongest members were no longer presumed dead, there was some interest in seeing if it could regain its unofficial status as the strongest guild in Fiore. No one really expected Fairy Tail to do well in this year's Games, but its revived mages had achieved minor celebrity status, if only for curiosity's sake.

They were more than a minor curiosity to Lyon, even if he'd never admit it out loud.

He spotted a break in the crowd and darted forward, slipping down a side street and continuing on at a more leisurely pace as he window-shopped. Turning into a relatively secluded plaza, he stopped short.

Speak of the devil.

Gray and Juvia were standing right in the middle of the patterned cobblestones, and Lyon's breath faltered. No, Gray was not a minor curiosity, and thinking he was dead for seven years had wrecked Lyon. His reappearance had been a miracle, but it was still jarring to see that he hadn't changed at all, that those seven years didn't even exist for him.

While Lyon and the rest of the world had aged and grown, Gray had not. The lines in his face, the light in his eyes, even his personality and attitude, were the same as they had always been, and it startled Lyon to realize that Gray, who should have been only a year behind, was now eight years younger. The moniker ' _younger_ brother' had never been more fitting.

"More like younger _bother_ ," Lyon muttered to himself as he snuck up behind the younger ice mage and his enchanting blue-haired companion. Stupid little brat was still just as annoying as when Lyon and Ur had first found him after his parents' deaths and taken him in all those years ago.

"Um…" Juvia blushed prettily and dropped her gaze as she fiddled with her skirts. "Would Gray-sama like to get something to eat alone…alone with Juvia?"

Unacceptable. Lyon hadn't known this charming princess before Gray and the others had disappeared off the face of the earth, but he had found himself entirely smitten when he first laid eyes on her. Now, if only she would look at him instead of Gray. Anyway, Gray was a jerk, and it didn't take a genius to see that he wasn't interested.

Gray hesitated but then sighed. "Now that you mention it, I guess I could use something to eat."

"In that case," Lyon said brightly, "I know some great restaurants around here."

"Lyon?" Gray yelped, whipping around to stare slack-jawed at the older man.

Lyon flashed him a smirk and then turned his attention to Juvia, draping an arm around her shoulders and sweeping her off across the plaza. "Why don't we get something to eat, Juvia-chan?"

"H-huh? Juvia wants Gray-sama! Juvia thought she asked Lyon-san not to call her that."

Well, Lyon clearly had some more work to do if he wanted to win her over.

"Hey!" Gray called, irritation seeping into his voice. "You can't just _do_ that!"

Lyon released Juvia and whipped around to square off with Gray. The only thing more appealing than sweeping Juvia off on a romantic getaway was annoying the crap out of Gray.

"You're going to be competing in the Games, aren't you, Gray?" he asked with a smirk. "Well, Lamia Scale is going to win."

"You will not!" Gray protested, his competitive streak immediately flaring up.

"Why don't we make a bet? If Lamia Scale wins, Juvia will join our guild."

"What the hell?" Gray gaped at Lyon like a fish out of water, which was very gratifying. "And…if we…win?"

"Then we'll give Juvia back to you."

"She was ours to begin with! What kind of weird bet is that supposed to be?"

Lyon arched an eyebrow, his smirk widening. "What's the matter? Afraid of losing?"

The puzzled indignation on Gray's face vanished as his eyes narrowed dangerously and his voice dropped to a low growl. "What did you say…?"

Ah, Gray. He never could resist a challenge, poor fool.

Juvia swayed in a dizzy fashion, her expression dazed and lost. Then, suddenly snapping out of it, she turned on Gray and flapped her arms indignantly as she demanded, "Who is it Gray-sama really wants? Juvia or Lyon-san?"

Both Gray and Lyon stared at her blankly.

"…You really have no idea what's going on, do you?" Gray asked finally, shaking his head.

Lyon hid a smile. Juvia could be a little ditzy, so caught up in her fantasies that she had trouble keeping up with the outside world, but he found it rather endearing.

"Gray-sama!" she wailed again. Launching herself forward, she threw her arms around Gray. "Juvia will not go with Lamia Scale! She wants only Gray-sama!"

Gray's lip curled and he pried Juvia off unceremoniously. "Actually, I changed my mind. You can have her."

Lyon stared. Gray could be a bit of an annoying prick sometimes, but that was unnecessarily harsh. In fact, all of his encounters with Juvia seemed harsh. It was one thing for him not to love her, but he didn't need to be cruel about it.

Juvia sniffled and bit her lip. "Juvia is still loyal to Gray-sama."

"Oh, joy," Gray muttered.

"Someone could have really used another seven years to mature…" Lyon said pointedly.

"That's rich, coming from you. Looks like seven years wasn't nearly enough."

Lyon scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you _think_ it means?" Gray shook his head and turned away, stalking across the square and disappearing between the rows of shops as he ducked into a side street.

Lyon and Juvia watched him go, and stood staring after him for a long moment once he vanished from view.

"…Gray-sama was supposed to eat with Juvia."

Lyon winced and rubbed at the back of his head awkwardly. "Yeah… Sorry. I wasn't expecting him to storm off like that."

"It's alright." Juvia brightened, the storm clouds lifting from her face to reveal the sunny disposition underneath. "Juvia will do better next time."

Lyon opened his mouth, but Juvia was already rushing off after Gray. He stood alone in the square, feeling unsettled by the entire encounter. Gray had always been bad with emotions ever since the demon had killed his parents and left room in his heart for nothing but grief and anger, but this was extreme even for him. And Juvia…maybe she deserved someone who would love her back.

* * *

Erza leaned on the stone railing of the terrace, too distracted by her thoughts to enjoy the view of the shops and houses below, their lights twinkling yellow against the surrounding black of the night. Fairy Tail's showing in the first two days of the Games had been less than ideal, but she didn't doubt that they would turn it around soon enough. The rest of the guild was talking strategy and speculating, but that wasn't what held her interest tonight.

Getting the chance to speak with Jellal had been worth fleeing the chattering guild and escaping into the darkened streets. It still pained her that she could only speak to him while employing stealth, but as long as he was considered a criminal, he couldn't show his face freely. Erza would take what she could get.

He still hadn't discovered what the strange magical signature plaguing the Games had been and hadn't yet dropped this charade about his so-called fiancée, but it was enough just to be able to talk to him for a few minutes. And running into Millianna a few minutes later had been a wonderful surprise. They had a lot of catching up to do.

But then Millianna had said those damning words: _"I know you hate Jellal too. What he did to us is unforgivable."_

And Erza didn't know how to explain that she loved him anyway.

"Erza? What are you doing out here by yourself?"

The chill night breeze swept Erza's hair along as she turned to see Gray approaching with his hands jammed into his pockets. If Erza wasn't in such a melancholy mood, she would smile. As Gray joined her at the terrace's edge, she felt that old companionable atmosphere settle over them once more.

Ever since Gray had first found Erza crying by the river as a small child, he had seemed to pick up a sixth sense for when she was hiding away. She wondered briefly, not for the first time, how he always found her when she was alone.

"It's nothing," she said with a sigh. "Just enjoying the night."

Gray's dark eyes glimmered faintly in the moonlight as he searched her face. "Have you talked to Jellal lately?"

Erza started in surprise. How had he…? She shook her head, and this time she did smile. For all Gray played dumb, he was surprisingly observant. He knew how to read people, and he had known Erza for so long that she sometimes felt as if he could read her mind.

"Just an hour or so ago, actually," she admitted.

"Oh? Has he figured out what that magic disturbance is yet?"

"No. He hasn't sensed it yet this year, but he's definitely on edge. Anything with that kind of signature could be bad news."

"Yeah." Gray stayed quiet for a few seconds, turning his gaze on the streets below, but then asked, "Is he still playing this game with his imaginary fiancée, then?"

Erza nearly choked on air. "How do you know about that?"

"Happy. He has a big mouth. Everything he sees, he tells someone."

"I should have strangled him while I had the chance."

"It's not too late. But I think I scared him straight. Don't worry about it."

"…Thanks."

"Yup."

Erza's cheeks burned, and she was grateful for the cover of darkness. She didn't want that particular humiliation of hers being spread around. Jellal was a horrible liar, and she was well aware that the entire fiancée story was made up on the spot. They had almost— _almost_ —kissed, and he had panicked and blurted out the first thing that came to mind to get out of it.

"You know that he loves you," Gray said into the silence. "He's not any good at hiding it. He just needs time. He'll come around."

Erza very well knew the first part, even if she had her doubts about the second. The fiancée excuse was a good way to keep her at arm's length until Jellal felt like he had redeemed himself for the things he had done, possibly until he figured out a way to live as a free man rather than a criminal. He was too busy doing penance and too acutely aware of how much he had hurt Erza to feel worthy of having a relationship with her.

Whether he would ever come around and let her in was another question entirely.

Still, Gray's words brought Erza some comfort, even if he was mistaking her melancholy. It wasn't like he could know about Millianna, and Erza didn't want to talk about how she was betraying her old friends by loving the person who had hurt them the most.

"Yeah." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "What are _you_ doing out here, anyway?"

Gray's lips pressed together in a thin line as he rested his forearms on the balustrade and frowned out at the night. "I've been caught up in Lyon and Juvia's nonsensical ramblings again. I was ready to get out of there."

"Nonsensical?" Erza raised an eyebrow, glad of the opportunity to change the subject. "I wasn't there, but I can guess what they were talking about." Gray grunted, unamused, but Erza laughed softly. "Come on, you must have noticed Juvia's feelings by now. Why don't you make things clear?"

Erza _knew_ Gray understood that Juvia loved him. He was observant by nature, and Juvia hadn't exactly been subtle. Erza knew that he sometimes kept people at arm's length because he still had too many unhealed scars that he didn't want the world to see, but he was going to lose his chance if he kept this up. Deep down, she thought he might love Juvia even if he was too afraid to admit it. He was just too scared to let her in, to let someone get that close.

"If you love her, tell her so." Erza smiled sadly as Jellal flashed through her mind. "Don't make her wait forever." Gray narrowed his eyes, his fingers tightening on the railing, and Erza decided to cover all her bases. "And if you don't love her, then don't lead her on. Give her an answer."

Gray said nothing, and the only sound was the faint noise of a pub's celebration in the distance and the whisper of the wind as it tugged at their hair.

"I'll think about it," he said finally, his voice flat.

That would have to be good enough. Pushing Gray too far when he didn't want to talk would only make him shut down, and this wasn't the ideal time to suggest that he perhaps start treating Juvia better. Erza worried about him, because not even a girl as sweet and love-struck as Juvia would take his coldness forever. She hoped that he figured things out before it was too late.

Pushing herself away from the railing, Erza turned to head back for the inn. "It's already late. We might as well go back."

She'd had enough of uncomfortable nighttime musings, and, judging by how quickly he followed, so had Gray.

* * *

Juvia beamed as she bounced through the crowd of well-dressed mages gathered in the palace's ballroom to celebrate Fairy Tail's victory in the Games and the defeat of the dragons afterward. Fairy Tail had won, the strange magical signature plaguing the Games had been identified as the Eclipse Gate and its dragons and the problem resolved, and all was right with the world again.

It wouldn't be a real celebration unless she was with Gray-sama, so Juvia searched the room, feeling like a princess in her new, pretty dress as she swept through the castle. She had spent hours agonizing over her wardrobe in the hopes of winning her beloved's approval, and she was _sure_ that her makeover would be well received.

Her face lit up as she spotted Gray-sama standing by a buffet table heaped with food, looking even more handsome than usual in his formal clothing. Fluffing out her skirts, Juvia rushed over.

"Gray-sama!"

He turned and raised an eyebrow. "What's up, Juvia?"

"Juvia has become Juvia 2.0!" she explained excitedly.

"…Since when are you a machine?"

Juvia smiled as she mentally retraced all her old selves, from the original gloomy rain woman to all the slow stepping stones to more attractive versions of herself. She had continued tweaking herself to see what would finally win Gray-sama over, and she had high hopes that this would be it.

"Juvia is entering a new era," she said. "She thinks that Gray-sama will like her now!"

The laidback warmth on Gray-sama's face disappeared, to be replaced with something cool and reserved once more. Juvia hardly noticed.

She was too busy throwing her arms around him and crying, "Gray-sama, Juvia loves you!"

Her arms closed on empty air, and she went crashing to the ground in a dazed heap.

"I don't," Gray-sama said coldly from where he had stepped out of her reach. "I'm also entering a new era. From now on, I'm honestly going to say no to things I don't like."

Something inside Juvia twisted into knots, but then she jumped to her feet with a sunny smile. "Gray-sama is so wonderful, even when he criticizes Juvia!"

Gray-sama jerked back a pace, the unforgiving lines of his face morphing into something resembling horror. "Whoa, this new version is creepy."

"You shouldn't say that, Gray," Lyon admonished as he strolled past. "How rude. Juvia-chan is not 'creepy'."

Juvia huffed to herself. How many times had she asked Lyon not to call her that? He was nice enough, but his infatuation with her was a little off-putting. Couldn't he see that she was in love with Gray-sama?

"Easy for you to say," Gray-sama muttered, turning away. "You aren't the one who has to deal with her."

Juvia gnawed on her lip as he started walking away. She had been so _certain_ that this would be the day she finally won him over, and hearing him dismiss her efforts like that…hurt.

Lucy stepped up beside Juvia and gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. He doesn't really mean to be cruel, you know. He still likes you."

Juvia eyed her love rival in an unfriendly fashion, silently fuming at the delicately pinned hair and sweeping brocade skirts. Surely Gray-sama would not prefer this? Lucy had some nerve, dressing up to try catching his eye.

"Of course he does," Juvia said frostily. "Juvia is winning him over, not _love rival_. She will go make things up to him now."

"Um, are you sure that's a good idea?" Lucy asked with a wince as Juvia stepped forward. "I mean… He likes you well enough as a friend, but surely you must have realized that this isn't going anywhere? You'll only continue getting hurt if you keep it up."

Juvia scowled and braced her hands on her hips. "Love rival is only saying that so Juvia will abandon Gray-sama and Lucy-san can swoop in to steal him!"

"Wh-what? Honestly, how many times must I tell you that I don't–?"

"Juvia is on to love rival's schemes!"

"But–"

" _Enough!_ "

The girls both started in surprise, and Juvia whipped around to see Gray-sama striding back towards her, his face thunderous. She felt a twinge of unease, because she had never seen him so angry before. He could be cold and standoffish and irritable sometimes, but this was different.

"Gray-sama–"

"Leave Lucy alone." Stopping in front of Juvia, he jabbed a finger at her chest. "I'm tired of you always harassing her. I'm in love with her as much as I'm in love with you, which is to say _not at all_."

Those words burrowed right through Juvia's chest and shattered in her heart like a thousand glass needles. "But–but–"

"I-it's okay," Lucy stammered, her eyes wide. "I don't–"

Gray-sama paid her no mind, his burning gaze focused squarely on Juvia. "And even if we _were_ in love, it wouldn't be any of your business. You have no right to go about policing my love life. It's just as well that I'm not looking for a relationship, because I'd never be able to have a normal one with you always stalking me and harassing any girl who so much as _looks_ at me."

"Gray-sama–"

"Goddammit, woman, how many times have I told you to stop calling me that? You're driving me _insane_. Did you know that I was in the girls' dorm once to look for Erza? Your door was open, and it was horrifying. You have pictures of me _everywhere_ , on _everything_ , like some goddamn shrine or something. You honestly don't see how that might be just a _little_ creepy? And you stalk me _everywhere_. You're always following me around and declaring your love.

"And no matter what everyone else thinks, it's _not_ because I'm leading you on, is it? I'm done. I've explained this to you so many times, and you either cry to make me feel bad or blithely ignore me. No matter what, you're right back to your old tricks the very next day. You just can't leave me alone, can you?"

Juvia recoiled, and Gray-sama's face went blurry as tears filled her eyes. He was normally a man of few words, and to hear him lay it all out hurt.

Yes, he had told her no, that he wasn't interested. And it hurt every time, but Juvia wasn't going to just _give up_. She followed him because she loved him, kept on coming back for more because she loved him.

Couldn't he see that everything she did was because she loved him?

"Juvia loves Gray-sama," she whispered, her voice wavering and hitching.

There was a long, heavy pause, with only Juvia's sniffles loud in her ears. Then Gray-sama let out his breath in a tired sigh, and Juvia swiped a hand across her eyes to clear her vision. Gray-sama didn't look angry anymore, just tired and melancholy.

"No, you don't," he said quietly. Juvia made to protest, but he said, "You _worship_ me. You don't love me—you love an idealized version of me that you've created in your mind. If reality doesn't match your fantasies, you just ignore it. You put me on a pedestal that I never asked to be on.

"Let me be human, Juvia. Let me be weak, let me make mistakes. Let me be anything other than the perfect fucking god you seem to think I am."

But no matter what he did, Juvia loved him anyway.

"Gray-sama is perfect to Juvia," she mumbled.

"That's exactly the problem." Gray-sama looked old and broken, as if he'd aged decades within the past few minutes. "I'm not perfect, and I don't want to be. But no matter what I say or do, you insist on thinking it anyway. I've tried _everything_. If I don't acknowledge you, then I'm just playing hard to get. If I'm a jerk, then you just have to try harder to win me over. If I'm nice, then clearly I'm in love with you. I just… There's nothing I can do to win with you. Everything I do somehow points to me loving you and being perfect, no matter what. I want to be your friend, Juvia, not your god."

Juvia's lips trembled and her vision went blurry again. Maybe she sometimes glossed over Gray-sama's faults, but wasn't that what people did when they were in love?

And if she insisted on misinterpreting his actions and words to point to a hidden love for her, was it really any worse than wishful thinking? She was in love, and thinking about a world where Gray-sama didn't love her or she didn't love him made her shiver. How cold and empty would she be inside if she didn't love him so much?

"Juvia…cannot just stop loving Gray-sama."

"I know. I get it, I do. Just…take a step back, okay? I can't…I can't do this anymore.

"It's amazing how much you love, but this isn't healthy. Not for you…and not for me." Gray-sama dropped his head into his hands and his shoulders hunched slightly. "You're smothering me, Juvia. I can't breathe anymore. The guild is my home—it shouldn't feel like a prison when I walk inside. A piece of me dies every time I have to try breaking your heart, and you just keep coming back and back and back, eating away at me until there's nothing left."

Juvia's heart stuttered to a stop for a long, painful moment, and then her knees finally buckled and sent her to the floor. Her skirts billowed out around her, pooling on the tile.

"Juvia…Juvia never meant to hurt Gray-sama," she said, her voice breaking.

And suddenly she felt selfish, because how could she have been so blind to have missed that she was hurting him? What good was love like that?

"I know." Gray-sama hesitated but then sank to the floor as well, watching Juvia with dark, soulful eyes. "Juvia…I don't think this is good for you, either. Why do you keep changing yourself for me? I don't want a Juvia 2.0. Why can't you see that you're just fine the way you are? You're pretty and loyal and have a big heart. I think you should take some time to focus less on loving me and more on learning how to love yourself."

Juvia sucked in a breath, and the unshed tears filling her eyes finally broke free and spilled down her face. She didn't know how he could see right through her and find all her deepest insecurities, but his words were a hard dose of reality that she'd painted fantasies over to hide.

"Gray-sama–"

"Gray." He reached out and cradled her face in his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "My name is Gray."

"Gray-sa…sa… Gray…san…" Juvia's heart clenched painfully, the name sounding so _wrong_ in her mouth. It cut her to the core, because she knew what this meant.

"That's a good start." He smiled at her gently, but it was more melancholy than amused. "You're going to be okay, Juvia. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry that it had to happen like this."

Juvia shrank back and buried her face in her hands as sobs racked her body. Everything seemed to fade out except the hard tile pressing into her knees and the muffled sobs in her ears.

"…Lyon? Would you mind…?"

Someone crouched down beside her and pulled her into a hug, and Juvia collapsed against his chest.

"Shh, it's alright, Juvia," Lyon murmured.

Juvia just cried. It felt like a long time before Lyon gently pulled her to her feet and said something about getting out of there, which only brought the sudden reminder that there were whispers all around her, from everyone who had witnessed the confrontation. She hid her face in Lyon's chest, not wanting to see anyone.

"Where did Gray go?" Erza asked. "He just disappeared."

"Off sulking, I'd expect," Lyon said as he guided Juvia across the room. "For all he's a little brat, he hates hurting people. He'll feel bad about this."

"…I'll go find him."

Juvia huddled closer, trying to escape all the eyes boring into her. She breathed a sigh of relief when Lyon finally swept her out the door and down the hall, but she didn't make it far before sinking to the ground again, staring out with glassy, unseeing eyes. Lyon sat next to her.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "That just…exploded."

"Juvia…thinks it was partly her fault."

"Gray means well, he really does. Just…maybe it's time to let him go."

Gray-sama–

Not Gray-sama anymore, Juvia remembered.

Gray.

The heavy finality of that thought floored her, sweeping all other thoughts out of her head.

 _Gray_.

Juvia folded over on herself and cried.

It was hard letting go.

* * *

Gray pulled his knees to his chest and stared out at the gardens with glassy eyes. Rough stone scraped against his back, but he hardly felt it. He had nowhere to go in this unfamiliar city, but he'd had to get out of there. The air had been so choked with guilt and heartache that he couldn't breathe. He hadn't been able to stop until he'd found his way out of the maze of hallways and collapsed against the outside wall of the palace. He wondered how long he could stay here before he had to go back. He didn't want to go back.

"Gray?"

He looked over, his heart sinking as he saw Erza picking her way along the path. Out of everyone to find him, of course it was _her_.

He hummed noncommittally and turned his gaze back to the shrubbery. When he didn't respond, Erza sighed and dropped to the ground beside him.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

His lips twisted into a bitter smile. "I'm probably not the one you should be asking."

"Lyon is handling Juvia. I want to make sure that _you're_ alright."

He sighed and pressed his fingertips to his eyelids. "Of course. Although I feel like a total asshole. I can't believe I just did that. And in front of everyone, too. I just… I don't know. I just snapped and totally lost it."

It probably didn't help that he had already been stretched taut like a string ready to snap even before Juvia had come waltzing up. Everything with the Games and subsequent dragon attack had put him on edge, especially that part where he'd seen a vision of his own death before time seemed to rewind itself. That was thoroughly unsettling, but mostly he just had a bad feeling about it sitting in the pit of his stomach. It felt like he had just lost something precious, but he didn't know what it was. Maybe it was nothing, but he'd be lying if he said that it wasn't stressing him out.

"Yeah, you've seemed a bit stressed lately," Erza said, subdued. "Did something happen?"

"…No."

That wasn't something he really wanted to talk about. The less people who knew about it, the better.

Erza stayed silent, perhaps debating whether to press the issue, but then exhaled softly. "Well, I guess I did tell you to give her an answer."

Gray laughed harshly. "I highly doubt this is what you meant. But… This is going to sound cruel, but I hope that maybe it sticks this time. Maybe she won't ignore it like she usually does."

"Yeah… I didn't realize that you'd already tried talking things out with her. I'm sorry I pressed you on that."

"It's fine. I try not to do it in front of other people, which is why everyone thinks I just don't know how to tell her no, I guess." He sighed heavily. "I really am sympathetic to her. I get it. It's just that I can't make myself fall in love any more than I can make myself fall out of it."

Oh, he understood that, and it only made things worse. The weight on his chest grew a little heavier every time Juvia declared her love or followed him home or looked at him with love-struck eyes. He couldn't force her to stop loving him—nor would he try if he could—but he sincerely wished that she didn't.

He almost wished that she'd get over him and fall in love with Lyon instead since he was clearly head over heels for her, but then someone could make the same argument for him. He almost wished that he was oblivious to how much she loved him, but that was selfish.

"Maybe it's my fault," Gray said abruptly, hugging his knees closer. "I used to be firmer with her. I mean, I kind of tried to ignore it in the beginning because I thought she'd get over her crush, but she didn't. Being nice only made things worse, because she read too much into it. So I said no, and it just… You don't get it. It's bad enough when she cries or ignores me, but I eventually stopped being so blunt because I'm worried about what will happen if she actually _does_ listen to me.

"I'm her main tie to the guild, you know. How often do you see her interact with anyone besides me? Occasionally, she'll talk to Gajeel. I was pleased when she made friends with Meredy, but Meredy isn't around most of the time. Juvia focuses on me to the exclusion of everything else. _Everything_ is about me. So if she doesn't have me, then what does she have? And I can't even be a real friend, because it only makes her think I'm in love. I tried to subtly encourage her to start making stronger friendships in the guild, but…"

Gray shook his head moodily. He had honestly thought that Juvia was settling in pretty well at first. While she still had something to prove and was striving to be accepted by the guild, she had slowly formed some bonds with a few members. She had even put aside her hostility for Lucy from time to time.

But things had only gone downhill from there. Juvia was sweet and loyal and would always lend a hand to anyone in need—except for maybe Lucy—but she rarely initiated interactions with anyone but Gray. She was so focused on him—or, at least, the version of him that existed in her fantasies—that she had failed to form strong, deep bonds with anyone else. Most of her outside friendships were shallow, and it worried Gray. That couldn't be healthy, could it?

But the problem was that with Gray being Juvia's everything, there was very little tying her to the guild besides him. To _anything_ besides him. He didn't know how she would fill that void or who she would turn to if she finally gave up on him, didn't know who would help her through.

So he had eventually lost the courage to give an emphatic 'no', and no strategy he used to detach her from him and to someone else had worked. It was a huge mess.

"You're right," Erza said. "I rarely see her with anyone but you."

"Mhm." Gray threw her a pleading look. "Would you…?"

She nodded. "I'll try helping her make some stronger friendships. I'll be there if she needs me."

"Thanks. I'd do it myself, but…"

"It would encourage her?"

"Yeah."

Gray sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. It didn't really make him feel like any less of a jerk, but it lifted a little weight off his chest. He could count on Erza.

"Gray, do you–?"

"You should probably go back," he interrupted. "They'll wonder what happened to you."

"No, they know I came after you. But…alright." Erza didn't look pleased, but she'd known him long enough to realize when he wanted to be alone, even if she was less observant about other things. "But if you need me…"

"Then I know where to find you."

"Yeah." Erza stood and brushed some dirt off her skirts before hesitating. "I…apologize. I think I've been so preoccupied with Jellal that I projected those thoughts onto your relationship with Juvia. I shouldn't have assumed."

"It's alright."

Erza hovered for a moment longer, but then reluctantly turned away and headed back down the walkway. Gray shook his head as he watched her go.

"Ah, Erza," he breathed to the empty air. "Like you and Jellal?"

He couldn't think of a more polar-opposite comparison.

"Not hardly. Both of you are hopelessly in love with each other." A melancholy smile tugged at his lips as she disappeared around the corner, her scarlet hair blowing out behind her in the breeze. "And both of us are hopelessly in love with someone who loves someone else."

**Author's Note:**

> In the Catholic tradition, adoration is a devotion where you worship in front of the Eucharistic host, and that double meaning is why I picked the title. Because Juvia definitely worships Gray. And no, my opinion of her hasn't improved. If anything, it has only soured further. I feel like I portrayed her much more sympathetically than she really deserves, but I believe in giving characters a fair shake in my writing—even the ones I can't stand.
> 
> The Grayza ending wasn't my original plan, but I was trying to come up with a way to end this and it just sort of happened. I still prefer friendship. It's subtle enough that you could ignore it if you wanted to. I just really wanted that ending line.


End file.
